Family Values – Families God Wants
By Mark Hatfield

Introduction
1. What is it that you and your family values the most? Is it your home, a car, your community, your education, a profession…? Are the things that you cherish even able to be valued I light of what is valuable in the eyes of God? 
2. With the decline of moral values, more value has been placed in the temporary fleeting pleasures of this life. 
3. God created the family to be a place of value, but most of the “valuables” in homes today, are not the things that God had in mind. 
4. Let us be clear by the title of this lesson that when we speak of families that God wants we are not suggesting that there are families out there that God doesn’t want (I Tim. 2:4). 
5. We are speaking in this lesson about the ideal family. There are certain expectations that God has for the family and the home. We want to investigate the household as God would have it to be.
6. In many homes there are those with improper or immature behavior, those with emotional, psychological and physical difficulties and or those who negatively affect the quality of life in the home (See Prov. 11:29).
7. We need to examine our home and make sure that they are pleasing to the Lord. Since God instituted the home, it is only right that our homes be established upon His principles.

I. Family Values in the Beginning
A. The family is of necessity
1. Every other created being had a family. Man was created and it was clear that it was not good for him to be alone. God made him a helper giving him a woman (Gen. 2:18-20).
2. God made the woman suitable for the needs of man (I Cor. 11:8-9)
3. When Paul spoke of marriage he said that each man should have his own wife and each woman should have her own husband (I Cor. 7:2). This is because they are to be dedicated to fulfilling one another’s needs (I Cor. 7:3-5).
4. This shows us that the home was valued for its companionship and mutual fulfillment.
5. Just like all of the animals populated, mankind was told to multiply and fill the earth. This was not possible without the creation of the family (Lev. 18:23).
6. Today, every family on earth has ties to this original family of Adam and Eve. Thanks be to God that in His wisdom He saw that it was not good for man to be alone (Prov. 18:22).
B. The family is divine in nature
1. God instituted marriage and the home when he brought the woman to the man and joined them together (Gen. 2:22)
2. We are told not to separate what God has joined together (Matt. 19:6).
3. This tells us that we should not mess with the things that God values in the home, because He wants them to be left as He established them.
C. The family is established for life
1. Marriage is not something we should take lightly. It is a lifelong commitment (Matthew 19:1-9)
2. Once we introduce children into the home, we are then responsible to raise them up in the way that they should go according to the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Prov. 22:6; Eph. 6:4)
D. The family is for a man and a woman and their children.
1. In Matthew 19 Jesus makes a direct parallel between male and female and husband and wife (Matthew 19:4-5). 
2. The two become one flesh in order to fulfill one another’s needs and to have children. 
3. The family is not for:
Homosexuals because this is not God’s plan for marriage and they cannot have children for it is against nature (Rom. 1:25f)
Unmarried because they have not been joined by God, but have only joined in premarital relations
Those unprepared because there is a great commitment that it is involved with marriage
4. For those of us enjoying the family as God intended for it to be, we have one of the greatest blessings ever bestowed upon mankind. Value it highly!

II. Family Values That Are Lacking Today (Mark 10:21)
A. A lack of instruction
1. Parents have to teach their children that the family has its roots in God’s word. When this fact escapes their notice, they will grow up thinking that marriage and the family are just another institution of man that can be treated as we please.
2. When this type of instruction is absent from our homes now, we are not preparing the next generation to establish their homes on godly directives.
3. Think back to some of the struggles that you have in your marriage and ask yourself how many of those could have been avoided if you had been taught the principles that make up a godly family.
4. If you are preparing to be married or want to me someday and you know that your home life growing up did not reflect what God intended. Get some biblical counseling before you decided to start your own family.
B. A lack of biblically based love
1. People don’t know what love is today. We love baseball, pizza, video games, our spouse and God all in the same breath. 
2. Biblical love from a husband to a wife is “agape” love which seeks to do what is in the best interest of others (I Cor. 13:4-8).
3. Sacrificial love is unheard of today, but husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her (Eph. 5:22-23)
4. You always see it in the movies, “I’d die for you”. Most men are afraid of that kind of commitment because they are concerned that their wife might say, “you always say that, but you never do”. (idea from Love and Respect .com)
5. When love is truly understood from a husband to a wife it can become what the apostle called “the bond of perfectness” to hold the family together (Col. 3:14).
C. A lack of respect for leaders
1. The man is the head of the home and is to provide for his own. The Bible says that while wives need love, the husband needs respect as a leader (Eph 5:33). 
2. When one truly loves his wife and fulfills his responsibility to provide for the needs of the family he is to be respected.
3. We live in a culture that is love dominated. The Beatles sang, “all you need is love” and we got on board. You will never find a Hallmark card that says, “Baby, I really respect you”. Now some of you may be thinking about the song, “RESPECT” and you are saying to yourself that Aretha needed respect. That song was actually written by Otis Redding several years before she was a soul queen. How ironic!
4. Since the man in the marriage is the Christ figure in Paul’s illustration in Ephesians 5, then just as a man is to offer sacrificial love for his wife because he wants to show her how much she means to him, then a woman is to show respect for her husband as head of the home, since he is willing to give her such tender affection and devotion.
D. A lack of togetherness
1. In the Old Testament a man who had taken a new wife would spend a year with his wife before going to war or going back to work (Deut. 24:5)
2. Today that would seem impossible, but this does open our eyes to the needs of a woman and man to bond together and get to really know one another. 
3. In Ecclesiastes 9:9 the husband is told live joyfully with the wife he has chosen. The word “with” is the key here.
4. Most of the passages that deal with togetherness are directed to men, because usually women do not have trouble with bonding (See I Pet. 3:7).
5. We are heirs together of the grace of life. We need to find joy in being good communicators with our spouse and in learning to fulfill each others needs in the area of togetherness.
E. A lack of faith
1. Unless the Lord has established your home and you are living according to His will, you will not be able to have the assurance that your home will last 
(Psalm 127:1). 
2. There is only one faith and it only has one sound message on marriage, the family and the home.
G. A lack of maturity 
1. Marriage is not for children. The Bible says that a “man” leaves his father and mother to get married. Both people in a marriage need to be old enough to realize what they are committing to.
2. When people are immature, they don’t really understand how to handle relationships with others. Perhaps we could use some wisdom here 
(Proverbs 17:1; 25:24)
3. Some people just need to grow up and accept the responsibilities of life before they decide to marry and start a family (I Cor. 13:11).
H. A lack of dedication to making it work
1. Everything in life requires us to work at it if we want to be great at it. Marriage is no different. 
2. Everyone in marriage is to give their all and when things aren’t going the way that they should be, we need to bear one another’s burdens and remain humble enough to know when we make mistakes (Gal. 6:1-2)

III. Family Values in Roles
A.	We all have a place in the home
1. Let us remember that God has given the husband, wife and children important roles to play in the home that require hard work and dedication
The man is: (You have no idea how bad I wanted to type my name here)
-Head of the home (I Cor. 11:3)
-Responsible for caring for his family (I Tim. 5:8)
-A husband in loving his wife a providing for her needs (Eph. 5:25)
-The Father (Eph. 6:4)
The woman is:
-Keeper of the home (Titus 2:5; Prov. 14:1)
-Responsible for helping her husband (Gen 2:28)
-A wife as she respects her husband and fulfills his needs (Eph. 5:33)
-The mother (Titus 2:4)
The children are to:
-Honor father and mother (Eph. 6:1-3)
-Listen to instruction and obey their parents (Col. 3:20)
-Keep the way pure and clean (Psalm 119:9; Acts 2:38)
-Learn about and remember their Creator in their youth (Eccl. 12:1)
-Accept discipline as a loving reproof and training (Prov. 22:6)
2. When these roles are not carefully and meticulously kept, we end up with dysfunctional families and all kinds of chaos and disorder. 
3. If you are going through this now, it is never to late to decide to serve the Lord and get your house in order.

IV. Family Values Challenges
A. Our families are being challenged in the areas of:
1. Time – Everyone wishes for more time but we only have 24 hours in a day. Paul taught us to redeem the time wisely for the days are evil (Eph. 5:16). Don’t neglect something that is needed in your home. Devote some time to those things that should be priorities in your life. We often sing, “Take time to be holy”. 
2. Finances – We live in a world where money is essential. Unfortunately, when we lack money in our homes, it causes stress and strife. It has been said that 73% of all divorces has something to do with money ruining the marriage. We must diligent workers to provide for our own as men and then as a family we need to learn to live within our means.
3. Discipline – Most people are being told to withhold discipline from their children today because studies show that it warps the self-esteem of the children. Well, a study of the Bible shows that if you don’t discipline your child, you hate them (Prov. 13:24). Don’t let them find out that you withheld discipline from them…it might warp their self-esteem to show them that instead of loving them, you hated them (Prov. 3:11-12). 
4. Same-sex marriages – God created us male and female so that we could be married as men and women. The Bible teaches that the woman was created for the man (I Cor. 11:9). God did make Adam and Steve to demonstrate what marriage was to be like, but He made Adam and Eve. God will not tolerate those who choose to give themselves to same-sex marriages. There is no such thing as an alternate lifestyle. We are to live life and value what God values.
5. Divorce – 3 out of 4 marriages are ending in divorce. This is due to a lack of proper values in the family and in a misunderstanding of God’s will. God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16) What is really sad is that children end up getting the bitter end of a divorce and they do nothing to deserve it. Matthew 19:9 lists fornication as the only lawful reason for a divorce. Even then from the beginning it was never to be this way.
6. Headship and subjection – With the women’s right movement stripping away the idea that men are to be the head of the wife and that the wife is to be in subjection to her husband, we see a rampant decline in our culture where this is valued in the home. The head of the woman is the man (I Cor. 11:3). The problem here is that many see these teachings as if some sexist pigs wrote them, when indeed the home is organized with great wisdom. Where these teachings are valued, there is happiness and contentment in the home. We need to see that the women are to be subject to their husbands in everything (Eph. 5:22-24), not because they are lesser in worth, nature or in being but because this is God’s will. 
B. Again if we cannot overcome these challenges our homes will come to ruin.

Conclusion
1. We need to value what is valuable to God when it comes to the family and the home. 
2. As men and women, husband and wives, fathers and mothers, children and siblings etc. let us learn what the will of the Lord is and be wise in the most valuable teachings regarding the home.
3. It is never too late for you to say, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord (Josh. 24:15). 
4. Even if the rest of your family is not supportive of you in coming to serve the Lord, be the example and make sure that you are doing your part to please the Lord. 
5. From my heart to yours, let me say that the home is the oldest institutions that God has established. It is also the most vital. Our home is the breeding ground of the next generation. Will they be a generation that does not know God? Our home is producing the souls that make up the future congregation of the Lord’s people. Have you ever thought about the fact that the church is only as strong as the families that are a part of it? 
6. It is time for this world to wake up and realize just how far away we have moved from God’s teaching on the home. More importantly, the world needs to see that we as Christians value the principles that govern a godly family and home. 
7. If you are in need of getting your house in order, starting with your own life, we stand ready to assist you in whatever your need might be. 
8. Make sure that you are not missing out on being a part of God’s family by failing to put first things first.